Slippery Rock Gazette

Sharon Koehler

Stone Industry Consultant

Recently I was in the grocery store, and I ran into an old friend. He was stuffing his cart with literally just ice cream, sweet treats, and snacks. I was going to tease him about having a “weak moment” until I saw the look on his face. He was obviously upset.

Being a good, caring friend, I asked what the problem was. He told me that he had spent weeks collaborating with a gentleman who wanted to surprise his wife for their 25th anniversary and give her a brand-new kitchen. They had picked out cabinets, tile, paint, flooring, countertops, appliances, electrical and plumbing fixtures. My friend had given quotes for all the labor as well,  to install all these things. The plan was that on the date of their anniversary, the client was going to bring his wife into the showroom and show her everything they had put together and surprise her.

My friend, not being particularly stupid, asked the client several times to bring his wife in to be part of the process, but each time the gentleman said that he knew his wife VERY well and knew what she wanted. Everything would be fine. 

As you can probably guess, that was not the case. They had come in earlier that day and the wife had nixed EVERYTHING! He admitted that it was not done in a bad or mean way. 

She started off with “Since the grandkids visit so often and I do messy baking, cooking, and craft things in the kitchen with them, white cabinets might not be the way to go. Let’s look at something in a maple or hickory.” He said that from there it all unraveled. He basically had to start over from scratch.

The lesson here is to always deal with the decision maker. The question is: How do you FIND the decision maker? Truthfully, it may take a little work on your part.

• Ask direct questions: From the outset, ask direct but respectful questions to find the decision maker. Questions like, “Who will be involved in making the final decision on this project?” Or, “Is there anyone else I should be addressing these details with?” The answers can provide clarity, and this approach ensures you are engaging with the right individuals from the beginning.

• Try to get a feel for the family/group dynamic: In many transactions, particularly those involving family homes and spaces, the decision maker may not be a single individual. Understanding the family dynamics is important. For instance, a couple might jointly make decisions, or one partner might defer to the other. In multi-generational households, decisions might involve input from parents or adult children.

• Observe how the individuals in the family/group interact with each other: During meetings, carefully observe the interactions among the people involved. Pay attention to who asks the most questions, who others defer to, and who seems to have the final say. These observations can give you valuable insights into who the decision maker is.

• Use your network: Use your social and professional networks to gather information. Friends, colleagues, or acquaintances who have dealt with the same individuals or families might offer useful insights into who the decision maker is.

Now that you have found the decision maker, take advantage of the benefits.

• Clear communication: When you deal directly with the decision maker, your messages are less likely to be distorted or misunderstood. Clear communication ensures that all parties are on the same page, reducing the risk of costly misunderstandings.

• Faster decisions: The decision maker has the say-so to make prompt decisions without needing to consult others. This can significantly speed up the process of making and closing business deals.

• Custom-made suggestions: Understanding the specific needs, preferences, and priorities of the decision maker allows you to tailor your proposals accordingly. This insight enables you to present options and solutions that align closely with what the decision maker is looking for, increasing the chances of a successful transaction.

• Trust: Direct communication with the decision maker helps build trust and rapport. When the decision maker feels understood and valued, they are more likely to interact positively and move forward with the transaction.

• Solving problems: When you are in direct contact with the decision maker, it is easier to address and resolve any problems or issues quickly and effectively. The decision maker can provide immediate feedback and make necessary adjustments, ensuring the project stays on track.

Finding the decision maker may take a bit of work on your part, BUT in the end, it can save you time, money, aggravation, and possibly even the project. It’s wise to make the effort. 

As to my friend, he asked me what he could have done differently to avoid all this. I had 2 suggestions, but he liked the first one the best…find out the budget for the project. Then, go to Word or go online and print a fancy certificate (NOT a gift certificate!) saying that she can design a project up to and including the budget amount. Put it in a card or wrap it up and let her husband watch her face light up when she opens and reads it. She can design and he can pay. Hearing this suggestion, he smacked his forehead in the middle of the ice cream aisle! Also, keep this story handy for the next well-meaning spouse, relative or friend who wants to do a good deed!

Please send your thoughts and comments on this article to Sharon Koehler at Sharonk.SRG@gmail.com .